Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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