if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize