Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
