That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
