id be glad to
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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