no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
