i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
