I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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