The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
