You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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