I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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