I just pynch a tree in the face
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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