i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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