Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
