the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
