life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides