I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.