Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
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I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.