He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool