So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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