david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
