remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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