Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize