OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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