just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
