That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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