Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
