My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
