Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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