Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
