I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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