Will you blow on my dice?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
