She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
