i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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