I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
