she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
