Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
