dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
