Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
