the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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