i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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