so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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