You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
