Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
