Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
