I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
