Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
