I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
