she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
