i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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