what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
