How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
