You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
