I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
