My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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