It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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