I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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