life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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