Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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