So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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