he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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