it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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