i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
