I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
