I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize