Jerry, you need to find god
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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