watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
